Friday, July 27, 2007

I am SO not cut out for this moving business

Step 1: Decide what kind of music you want to have on as you pack. This is an important decision, and should not be made too hastily.

Step 2: Decide what kind of beer you want. See above.

Step 3: What to pack? How about some plates and glasses? These will have to be wrapped up in paper, and packed in the box that says FRAGILE -- THIS SIDE UP. Unfortunately this box is crammed full of paper. Spend five minutes transfering all the paper to another box, then drag both boxes out to the kitchen. (Note that writing "FRAGILE -- THIS SIDE UP" on the second box would be cheating.)

Step 4: Wrap up some dishes in paper, put them in the box.

Step 5: Discover that seldom-used wine glasses have some kind of nasty sticky residue on them. Wash wine glasses.

Step 6: Notice that it is probably a bad idea to wrap them up in paper while they're still drying; also, have made tactical error because one of the glasses that should eventually be packed still has half a beer in it. Decide to sift through papers instead.

Step 7: Notice unpaid traffic ticket and incomplete mail-forwarding form among papers. Take care of these things.

Step 8: On way to mailbox, notice that it is raining. Stand on back patio and watch rain for a while.

Step 9: Back to papers. Discover notes and handouts from job talks last time graduate department hired Ren lit person, five years ago. Become seized with inexplicably strong desire to know what happened to unsuccessful candidates.

Step 10: Google candidates. (They both got good jobs. Also, one of them has the same name as a football player.) Also Google bottle of Italian dessert liqueur that you found in the fridge, to discover whether it would be a bad idea to drink it when it's more than three years old. Type up blog post while you're here.

Oh, this is more or less how I wrote my dissertation, too. No wonder it took four years.


heu mihi said...

You have my full sympathy and understanding. I've actually gone so far as to go out of town the weekend before my move, taking slackerdom to new heights.

It's terrible! I've lost the ability to pack more than one box in a row. Can you even have a row, when you only have one box?


Anonymous said...

I have to be out of my apartment on 15 August and haven't even started packing. This may be a problem. However, I'll borrow your tips--I bet music *would* help. So would having boxes.

Fretful Porpentine said...

Nice to know I'm not the only one! Of course, I'm not sure I would have boxes if my parents hadn't brought a bunch of them last time they came to visit, in which case I would probably be in even worse trouble.

Sisyphus said...

wait --- you can dissertate in other ways than this?


I like starting early with packing, so this style isn't quite so bad, but today I cleaned in little circles; every time I moved something I moved it into the path of something else I needed to clean.

Just make sure you drink the beer before packing it.