Happy Approximate 444th Birthday to Mr. William Shakespeare

In celebration, I post the most 4-filled passage of Shakespeare I could find:

PRINCE HENRY
Speak, sirs; how was it?

GADSHILL
We four set upon some dozen--

FALSTAFF
Sixteen at least, my lord.

GADSHILL
And bound them.

PETO
No, no, they were not bound.

FALSTAFF
You rogue, they were bound, every man of them; or I am a Jew else, an Ebrew Jew.

GADSHILL
As we were sharing, some six or seven fresh men set upon us--

FALSTAFF
And unbound the rest, and then come in the other.

PRINCE HENRY
What, fought you with them all?

FALSTAFF
All! I know not what you call all; but if I fought not with fifty of them, I am a bunch of radish: if there were not two or three and fifty upon poor old Jack, then am I no two-legged creature.

PRINCE HENRY
Pray God you have not murdered some of them.

FALSTAFF
Nay, that's past praying for: I have peppered two of them; two I am sure I have paid, two rogues in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal, if I tell thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse. Thou knowest my old ward; here I lay and thus I bore my point. Four rogues in buckram let drive at me--

PRINCE HENRY
What, four? thou saidst but two even now.

FALSTAFF
Four, Hal; I told thee four.

POINS
Ay, ay, he said four.

FALSTAFF
These four came all a-front, and mainly thrust at me. I made me no more ado but took all their seven points in my target, thus.

PRINCE HENRY
Seven? why, there were but four even now.

FALSTAFF
In buckram?

POINS
Ay, four, in buckram suits.

FALSTAFF
Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else.

PRINCE HENRY
Prithee, let him alone; we shall have more anon.

FALSTAFF
Dost thou hear me, Hal?

PRINCE HENRY
Ay, and mark thee too, Jack.

FALSTAFF
Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These nine in buckram that I told thee of--

PRINCE HENRY
So, two more already.

FALSTAFF
Their points being broken,--

POINS
Down fell their hose.

FALSTAFF
Began to give me ground: but I followed me close, came in foot and hand; and with a thought seven of the eleven I paid.

PRINCE HENRY
O monstrous! eleven buckram men grown out of two!

FALSTAFF
But, as the devil would have it, three misbegotten knaves in Kendal green came at my back and let drive at me; for it was so dark, Hal, that thou couldst not see thy hand.

PRINCE HENRY
These lies are like their father that begets them; gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson, obscene, grease tallow-catch,--

FALSTAFF
What, art thou mad? art thou mad? is not the truth the truth?

PRINCE HENRY
Why, how couldst thou know these men in Kendal green, when it was so dark thou couldst not see thy hand? come, tell us your reason: what sayest thou to this?

POINS
Come, your reason, Jack, your reason.

FALSTAFF
What, upon compulsion? 'Zounds, an I were at the strappado, or all the racks in the world, I would not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on compulsion! If reasons were as plentiful as blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon compulsion, I.

PRINCE HENRY
I'll be no longer guilty of this sin; this sanguine coward, this bed-presser, this horseback-breaker, this huge hill of flesh,--

FALSTAFF
'Sblood, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried neat's tongue, you bull's pizzle, you stock-fish! O for breath to utter what is like thee! you tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bowcase; you vile standing-tuck,--

PRINCE HENRY
Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again: and when thou hast tired thyself in base comparisons, hear me speak but this.

POINS
Mark, Jack.

PRINCE HENRY
We two saw you four set on four and bound them, and were masters of their wealth. Mark now, how a plain tale shall put you down. Then did we two set on you four; and, with a word, out-faced you from your prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you here in the house: and, Falstaff, you carried your guts away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roared for mercy and still run and roared, as ever I heard bull-calf. What a slave art thou, to hack thy sword as thou hast done, and then say it was in fight! What trick, what device, what starting-hole, canst thou now find out to hide thee from this open and apparent shame?

POINS
Come, let's hear, Jack; what trick hast thou now?

FALSTAFF
By the Lord, I knew ye as well as he that made ye. Why, hear you, my masters: was it for me to kill the heir-apparent? should I turn upon the true prince? why, thou knowest I am as valiant as Hercules: but beware instinct; the lion will not touch the true prince. Instinct is a great matter; I was now a coward on instinct. I shall think the better of myself and thee during my life; I for a valiant lion, and thou for a true prince. But, by the Lord, lads, I am glad you have the money. Hostess, clap to the doors: watch to-night, pray to-morrow. Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the titles of good fellowship come to you! What, shall we be merry? shall we have a play extempore?

PRINCE HENRY
Content; and the argument shall be thy running away.

FALSTAFF
Ah, no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me!