You know what's great about finishing a Ph.D.? They give you wizard's robes. I'm so excited about having a ready-made costume. (Why yes, I am a geek. How did you ever guess?)
Have been re-reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince so I can remember where we left off, and I have come to the following conclusion: Lord Voldemort is my academic job-search hero. I mean, how great would it be just to walk into somebody's office and demand the professorship that you want -- and then when they don't give it to you, curse it so all your rivals meet nasty fates? Dude, that's some serious job-search badassery. Unfortunately, I'm starting to think that may be what it takes to land a tenure-track position in English.