Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Announcement

Attention, students. This section of English 100, Basic Writing, is currently in an oversold situation. We are looking for twenty volunteers willing to take a later section of the course. You will receive a voucher that will entitle you to sleep in three days a week. If your educational plans today are flexible, please speak with a gate agent professor at once.

Attention, students. This section of English 100, Basic Writing, is currently in an oversold situation. You might have noticed that there are forty students in this room and ONLY THIRTY-TWO FUCKING CHAIRS. We are looking for twenty volunteers willing to take a later section of the course. You will receive a voucher that will entitle you to sleep in three days a week, as well as your own desk and chair. We'll even fill out all the add / drop paperwork for you. If your educational plans today are flexible, please speak with a gate agent professor at once. Also, please note that the word "Basic" in the title of this course is a euphemism. It means "remedial." If your ACT English score is over 18, or if you have already successfully completed English 101, YOU ARE NOT REMEDIAL. Please get out of the way so people who actually need this course can take it.

Attention, students. This section of English 100, Basic Writing, is currently in an oversold situation. Meanwhile, the section of Intro to College Life for prospective humanities majors has only FIVE students. No, I don't know why the admissions office thought we needed forty remedial writing students and only five freshmen interested in majoring in the humanities. Maybe that was all they could find. Anyway, it isn't your fault, but it depresses me. Meanwhile, we are still looking for twenty volunteers. If your educational plans today are flexible, please speak with a gate agent professor at once...

Sigh...

5 comments:

Horace said...

Hilarious (and depressing).

Bardiac said...

Sounds like a rough beginning to the semester. :(

J. Harker said...

Kangaroos are huge.

hck said...

Part of this sounds quite a bit familiar.

Experience over here says: after a few sessions there'll be quite a number of free chairs available: autoselection in overbooked courses works.

And, no, I don't expect many many freshmen to believe that "Intro to College Life for prospective humanities majors" might be useful. They'll start to regret not to have taken that course not earlier than near the mid of their last year.

Fretful Porpentine said...

HCK -- Well, all first-time students have to enroll in Intro to College Life; the only question is which section. They are sorted by intended field of study, and I've got all the English / foreign language / history / political science majors. Music / art / theatre students are elsewhere, but enrollment in that section seems to be lagging as well.

And sadly, all but about half a dozen of the students in the Basic Writing course have no choice about that one either; if their standardized test scores in English are low enough, they MUST take it.