Tuesday, December 25, 2007

and so this is Christmas...

So, yeah. Another year, another big family Christmas. I hate watching my grandparents get older and frailer, especially since there are no new babies or children to counterbalance things. My younger cousins are all in college now, here for a flying visit before running off to pursue their own interests, and I keep feeling like I ought to get married and have a baby, or ought to have done so years ago. This is a stupid idea for an almost infinite number of reasons, but I miss having kids around, and I miss all the silly things you only do at Christmas if there are kids, such as having a big tree with garish felt ornaments and waking up early in the morning to watch them turn the stockings inside out. I miss the noise and the cheerful chaos of my childhood Christmases. I miss Aunt Anna's pierogi (she has been dead for eleven years, and I never learned to make them very well; I stick to cookies and fudge). I miss not being aware of aging and mortality; I miss taking it for granted that I will have children of my own someday, and not wondering and worrying about whether it will ever happen. Sigh. Early-thirties terminally-single angst, I guess.

Another MLA. This will be my third, and some of the excitement has worn off, although it is nice to know what to expect (mostly, that no one I meet there will ever call me again). All the same, I have to admit I kind of like the MLA, even though nobody else does. (My mom brought me to a cocktail party there when I was seven months old and she was a desperate jobseeker; I think this experience warped me for life.) Anyway, the book exhibit always throws me into paroxysms of geeky joy, and, I dunno, there's just something cool about being surrounded by thousands and thousands of English professors. I'm like, hey, these are my people. And I get to say hello to the ones from the Beloved Alma Mater, which is nice.

Uh, yeah. Warped. For life, I tell you. Mothers, don't take your babies to the MLA.

Hope to see some of y'all there!


Flavia said...

OMG, I love MLA. This'll be my 4th, and although I agree that it is much, much better when one isn't on the market. . . I liked it even the first time around, which was also my first time on the market (with few interviews, and I struck out, so it wasn't like I had the satisfaction of feeling like I was rocking anyone's world).

More on this soon. Until then, happy Christmas!

Fretful Porpentine said...

Oh, good, so I'm not the only weirdo out there. (I have never had the satisfaction of feeling like I was rocking anyone's world either, but maybe this year...)

dance said...

I kinda enjoy the AHA, but mainly for the reunion aspect.

My family has no children, but we still do a noisy chaotic Christmas with lots of gifts.